Feb 28th..

Better Sunday…Anaya was recovering from her on and off sickness.

We took her out for a walk in evening  in her bike.She was very happy being outside.It was a nice weather .She love dogs and surprisingly we met two pet dogs and she played with them for couple of minutes.

My husband helped me in kitchen to chop vegetables for the week and that was so nice of him.it saved my 1 hr in kitchen.Hopefully this routine continues:-)

All over a little better day than last two days.more coming in next week.

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Feb 27th….saturday

Just a usual weekend.Anaya was down with fever last night do we decided to keep her home and rest.She was not eating food  properly but drinking lot if water and eating banana.She loves banana and whenever she falls dive,the fruit is my life saviour.

We had pizza lunch at noon.i baked the frozen pizza at home but it didn’t turned out very nice.i kept it in oven for few extra minutes and the crust became very hard.although we were able to eat it but Anaya didn’t liked it at all.

When I have not pre planned for dinner and I have to think what to cook next I go nuts and my poor daughter suffers.may be because she can’t reply back or she will not create any impression of me due to my yelling on her  and will still love me the most.i know it’s not right.i waited for so many months to hear ” mama” and now when she keeps on repeating it non stop I get irritated and raise my voice for no reason.

We have to think at their level to make them understand what we want but at times I either ignore it or tend to forget .i realized how loud I was when she peed her pants due to fear or shock  and was crying non stop.why do I make her cry like this ?only in weekend  I get sometime to spend with her and during those two days also I can’t keep my only daughter happy with me.All because she loves me so much and keeps repeating ” mummy”?

 

i went to dollarama it check for her snow gloves in the evening and ended up in buying   lots of books ,puzzle,colours,a rabbit and a small white board for her.She loves books ,colours and swimming.Swimming was not possible this weekend as she was sick but at least I can make her happy by getting her new books and colours.

May be I can try to make up for her noon trauma.

Winter is ending so gloves were out of stock but it’s going to snow next week so have to look for them somewhere else.

I have to seriously work on my emotional breakdowns specially my anger.i don’t want to set a wrong example for my daughter.

Feb 26th..

we went to meet the genetic counsellor to know what is unclear with my results.my unborn baby is going through lot of hurdles and  more to come.So we came to know that though my baby has no Down syndrome and the second trimester ultrasound is beautiful,there is a missing piece in Chromosome 17 as per microarray results.

Doctors have never seen this before and no study gas been done on this as of now so my baby us kind of unique.this missing piece is very small around 139 kb in technical terms but can cause neurological delays or heart problems.

they wanted the parents to have blood test to assure if it’s in genes or happened while baby formation.if it’s inherited from parents then most likely baby will be fine like parents and if not then there may be growths delays.Although very low chances of the same but in both cases nobody can assure us that baby will be like me if my husband or my daughter.

We were kind of taken back .this whole process started with  down syndrome ,but actually it’s something else.Manifolds of weird thoughts was reigning both of our minds.

The day started quite bad but thankfully no call from my daughter’s daycare so seems she was doing ok.i came home and tried to concentrate on my work but only half hearted.

By evening,when I went to pick Anaya,we have kind of decided not to go further in pregnancy.

Anaya was  unaware of all these turmoils in our life so poor baby has to bear an impact of it.i put her to bed And she woke up after sometime as usual.Not sure why ,I walked off from her and she came running behind me in kitchen My helpless baby was already sick and half asleep,barefoot crying for mummy and mummy started yelling at her for not going back to bed.i hate myself for ths !

Please my love forgive me for making you cry for wrong reasons but sometimes I just can’t help it.although  I cried bak once you were asleep but I can’t bring back those 10 minutes when I made you cry :-(…I am still feeling guilty..

 

 

 

 

Feb 25th…

The day didn’t started in a very good note.Anaya woke up quite early in morning around 6.30am when I was still cooking.She didn’t had a proper sleep and so she was very cranky and I even felt she had little fever.i tried to calm her down but when kids are not feeling well they tend to get restless and irritated.

i gave her tylenol,although I hate giving her any medicine until it is very high fever but sometimes to make her feel better and relieve the body ache,I am left with no other option.She was better after an he or so but she didn’t ate anything.

i dropped her to daycare at usual time but she was not letting me go.it usually happens when she is sick.i sat beside her until she had some snack and then I left for work.Although she didn’t look very happy but I assumed she will get better after a while.Somewhere back in my mind,I knew that she is not well and I will soon get a call to pick her back.So I wanted to rush to office n finish my work as much as possible.

And then I got a call from our genetic counsellor regarding my second part of reports.

In here,call from a doctor office is suspicious and likely a bad information.She toldme that my report results are unclear and so she want to meet us tomorrow.what is unclear ?? My baby chromosomes ???? Any missing parts ???

But instead of dwelling more on it I thought of  going to office and concentrating on my work .For sure,I was not going to office tomorrow.

i received a call from her daycare at lunch time.Thankfully she didn’t had fever but they informed me that she is sad and not eating at all.Enough reason for me to my pack my stuff and pick her up.

Not a good day for both if us however,tomorrow also doesn’t seems to be better 😦

i just hope to be calm and patient and let  it pass..I need to take care of Anaya first….

Tired day___Feb24th

Some days i feel so tired that any tiny thing can irritate me to the core and the my daughter has to face it.i know its her age of throwing tantrums , trying to do things as per her wish and i am suppose to handle it carefully but i loose my cool very easily.

i have to try to be more calm and patient while dealing with her.First, i feel guilty for my yelling on her after she goes to bed and secondly  she is trying to copy whatever me and her dad does in front of her.At this age, i guess the kids observe a lot and follow to do the same.In a good way,its a good age to increase their knowledge as much as possible and introduce them to new learning.But as they try to grasp everything, parents need to be careful about their language and attitude in front of them.

This is what i need to work on to make her a better person.Yesterday she repeated rain,swim,Thank you,Sit mama,Take mama …….so funny and cute.

I dont know why she act so dramatic in evenings when i go to pick her up at her daycare.She doesn’t to come with me and its happening from quite few days.I have to find a way to stop this behavior and need to read the experience of other moms.

Her gloves are not good for snow and we need to find some new snow gloves for her.Although winter is about to get over,its still snowing once in a while and my little one is having hard time to play in snow.I want her to enjoy snow and so this is task for the weekend.

Nowadays I am reading a book by Shiv Khera”You can win” and getting some positive energy from this book.I hope it helps in bringing some good change in my attitude.

Although i dont want to dwell about it but i am still waiting for my test results in back of my mind..More to add soon…

 

Starting to write ….

I always wanted to write about my daughter since the time she was born..even from the time i was pregnant..my whole experience during my first pregnancy,my delivery,every day with my lovely daughter…so that i can cherish all these moments when she grows up..

But it got missed..but now i have decided to write my journal daily.whether its something important or just casual i will make it a pint to jot down things regularly.

i am expecting my second child now and this time i want to write about my pregnancy experience,my experience along  with my growing daughter and work and kitchen and running around.

To keep control and patience and stay calm and thats the goal everyday.To try to write everything about her daily routine along with mine along with our pictures .

When she will grow up and ask me about her childhood, i should have something preserved for her 🙂

Hopefully i can continue this regime everyday….even for 10 min !!

 

Blissful feeling..

Since yesterday she started taking names of her daycare friends..Her vocab is improving.

It sounds so sweet and an accomplishment listening to ll the sweet from her.

No Emma..No issac…. ( hewr daycare friends )

No Vaani..( one of her  daycare teacher )

I am still teaching her to pronounce other names.the other day she said…

Aanya ( She pronounce her name Anaya like this )stool ..

and for blanket its like ..Aanya Banki..i am still trying her understand what she says ..

Aanya Duddu ( hindi word for mil )

Aanya Bottu ( Anaya Bottle )

Papa potu ( when anyone in washroom )

Nana ( Nahana in hindi for taking bath )

It all sounds so blissful.

Yesterday her teacher asked her to teach her to put on her shoes /boots by herself..so we have to try that now.She is good at taking them off .

Also,we need to teach her to put on her snowpants…i think she is too small for tht..but other kids of her age are doing it..so has to learn it…